What’s your favorite food? You think that I would be asked a more specific and constant question than that when faced to pay my cable bill. But no. In order for me to log in and pay my bill, I have to remember what my favorite food is from six months ago. And of course, while I have to think about what my favorite food is, that means I must also eat; It’s science.
So while munching on assorted chips, I tried to figure out what my favorite food is. Olives? I really like olives, but do I like them enough to use them as a security question? And so I started with olives. And then OLIVES. And then OLIV3S. But my favorite food wasn’t olives.
I blame the cable company for my late bill. I really do try to pay on time, but making me jump through hoops like this? Well, they are begging for a late payment. If I knew six months ago that I would be quizzed on the most random personal questions about myself, I probably would have written down the answers, or not created them while under the influence of a double shot of NyQuil. But that’s in the past now.
I started abusing NyQuil when I was at university. My roommates didn’t take the early bird approach to school like I did, and so midnight would come around, I would go to bed, and my roommates would blast Family Guy for an hour. After ear plugs, white noise, and anger didn’t work, I switched to the hard stuff. And then I got hooked on the hard stuff. I would keep a bottle hidden behind one of the cinder blocks that I used to boost my bed to a towering height, and every night, I would take a swig to send myself off to sleep.
That wasn’t the first time that I was addicted to a sleep aide, but I had been cold turkey from Tylenol PM from the time that I was ten or so. What’s a little nip here and there to take the edge off? I wasn’t striving for sobriety. I just wanted a little sleep. And so I night capped myself to sleep for half a year, and then my addiction started breaking the bank. Without poverty, I would probably be in a rehab somewhere, smelling of Vicks44 or off brand cold suppressants. But now I have learned control, and will only buy when I am sick. And if I don’t finish the bottle when I’m sick, I will finish the bottle out of longing.
Could it be grilled cheese? I really like grilled cheese. But mostly only the cheese. Cheese. CHEESE. CH33S3. Nope. Still not the password. But then I felt like I should nibble a bit off the block of cheddar that I had in the fridge. It’s just sitting there and I don’t have much purpose for it. And grabbed the block and just started gnawing at the corners.
At this point, I was locked out of making any more guesses at what my favorite food was, and so I turned on some old cooking videos of Julia Child on YouTube to pass the time. At one point of my loneliness, I would talk to myself whilst cooking, impersonating Julia Child. The moments weren’t ever my proudest, but I wasn’t so lonely afterward. And then I remembered how much butter I used during my “Cooking with Julia” sessions. I then tried signing on with my iPod. Butter. BUTTER. BUTT3R. Nothing.
Out came the frying pan and a slab of butter. And of course, if I am frying anything, it would be an egg. FriedEggs. FRIEDEGGS. FRI3D3GGS. Still nothing. And now I had dripped egg yolk on my computer. Not that I mind too much because my computer needs to die so I can replace her. So I’ve been known to drink my apple juice over her, slightly hoping that a stray drop will kill the thing. AppleJuice. APPLEJUICE. APPL3JUIC3. I went to bed with all of my bills paid but my cable bill.
Driving to work, I had completely forgotten my cable bill woes. Mostly because I was now distracted with trying to eat a Pop Tart on the way to work. Most days I love a Pop Tart, but this one was chalky and tasted like sin. “The only reason I am eating you is just for basic sustenance.” And then I knew what my favorite food was six months ago. I rolled down the window, “Sustenance! It’s sustenance!” Which now, I am certain I looked like an idiot to all of the morning joggers, but I didn’t care, because I love sustenance. And now I can pay my bill.
So while munching on assorted chips, I tried to figure out what my favorite food is. Olives? I really like olives, but do I like them enough to use them as a security question? And so I started with olives. And then OLIVES. And then OLIV3S. But my favorite food wasn’t olives.
I blame the cable company for my late bill. I really do try to pay on time, but making me jump through hoops like this? Well, they are begging for a late payment. If I knew six months ago that I would be quizzed on the most random personal questions about myself, I probably would have written down the answers, or not created them while under the influence of a double shot of NyQuil. But that’s in the past now.
I started abusing NyQuil when I was at university. My roommates didn’t take the early bird approach to school like I did, and so midnight would come around, I would go to bed, and my roommates would blast Family Guy for an hour. After ear plugs, white noise, and anger didn’t work, I switched to the hard stuff. And then I got hooked on the hard stuff. I would keep a bottle hidden behind one of the cinder blocks that I used to boost my bed to a towering height, and every night, I would take a swig to send myself off to sleep.
That wasn’t the first time that I was addicted to a sleep aide, but I had been cold turkey from Tylenol PM from the time that I was ten or so. What’s a little nip here and there to take the edge off? I wasn’t striving for sobriety. I just wanted a little sleep. And so I night capped myself to sleep for half a year, and then my addiction started breaking the bank. Without poverty, I would probably be in a rehab somewhere, smelling of Vicks44 or off brand cold suppressants. But now I have learned control, and will only buy when I am sick. And if I don’t finish the bottle when I’m sick, I will finish the bottle out of longing.
Could it be grilled cheese? I really like grilled cheese. But mostly only the cheese. Cheese. CHEESE. CH33S3. Nope. Still not the password. But then I felt like I should nibble a bit off the block of cheddar that I had in the fridge. It’s just sitting there and I don’t have much purpose for it. And grabbed the block and just started gnawing at the corners.
At this point, I was locked out of making any more guesses at what my favorite food was, and so I turned on some old cooking videos of Julia Child on YouTube to pass the time. At one point of my loneliness, I would talk to myself whilst cooking, impersonating Julia Child. The moments weren’t ever my proudest, but I wasn’t so lonely afterward. And then I remembered how much butter I used during my “Cooking with Julia” sessions. I then tried signing on with my iPod. Butter. BUTTER. BUTT3R. Nothing.
Out came the frying pan and a slab of butter. And of course, if I am frying anything, it would be an egg. FriedEggs. FRIEDEGGS. FRI3D3GGS. Still nothing. And now I had dripped egg yolk on my computer. Not that I mind too much because my computer needs to die so I can replace her. So I’ve been known to drink my apple juice over her, slightly hoping that a stray drop will kill the thing. AppleJuice. APPLEJUICE. APPL3JUIC3. I went to bed with all of my bills paid but my cable bill.
Driving to work, I had completely forgotten my cable bill woes. Mostly because I was now distracted with trying to eat a Pop Tart on the way to work. Most days I love a Pop Tart, but this one was chalky and tasted like sin. “The only reason I am eating you is just for basic sustenance.” And then I knew what my favorite food was six months ago. I rolled down the window, “Sustenance! It’s sustenance!” Which now, I am certain I looked like an idiot to all of the morning joggers, but I didn’t care, because I love sustenance. And now I can pay my bill.
